Swabians In Berlin Soon To Be Wearing Yellow Mercedes Stars

Remember that Nazi boycott of Jewish businesses in Berlin back in the bad old days with all those signs and scribblings about “Don’t Buy from Jews!” and the like? Of course you don’t.

Schwaben

But many from Berlin’s enlightened anti-gentrification left do remember and have now come up with the breathtakingly brilliant idea of introducing this same simple asymmetrical tactic against the “hated” Berlin Swabian community by spraying “Don’t Buy from Swabians!” on the walls around town, too.

The evil Swabians are hated here, you see, because they work hard and are successful and make lots of money (and the cliché goes that they’re  tightwads, too, but that’s beside the point) and, through their very presence, therefore increase Berlin property values which is an awful thing to do because those of the enlightened left (like most other Germans) do not own property but prefer to pay rent instead and this pushes the rents up and laber, laber, laber (blah, blah, blah) been there done that.

There can be no losers in Germany in general and Berlin in particular, you see (it’s verboten or something). That’s why there are so many of them here, I guess.

Der anonyme Unmut regt sich gegen die Schwaben, weil sie angeblich die Besonderheiten des Stadtviertels veränderten und die Preise auf dem Wohnungsmarkt in die Höhe trieben. In Berlin leben schätzungsweise rund 300.000 Schwaben.

„Kauft nicht bei Schwab’n!“

Germans To Mount Another Massive Offensive Against London

And they aren’t even making a secret about it this time, either.

Dortmund

The immense assault, utilizing some 150,000 or more crack uniformed German fanatics, will be staged sometime in the late evening hours of May 25 at Wembley Stadium during the Champions League soccer final between two big European soccer teams, I forget which ones. And I meant football, of course, not soccer (I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy…).

It will be the first all-German final in the history of the European Cup and a record-breaking seventh time that Wembley has hosted the match.

PS: Go Dortmund!

Sure Is Cold In Here

Cold

The issues at stake are not trivial ones. At the core of the Franco-German conflict is no less a matter than the question of how Europe can shake off the current crisis. Merkel is convinced this can only be achieved by implementing reforms — austerity, liberalization of the labor market and restructuring of social welfare systems.

But Hollande is unwilling to let Germany impose its model on France. He fears the European recession will only worsen if Berlin succeeds in implementing its austerity plans.

Even in the euro crisis, Germany is reluctant to be seen as sole leader. It badly needs a French economic revival to have a plausible partner at the top again.

“This is why, ultimately, it does not matter whether they like each other—that has not been the case for years.”

Spring Is In The Air Right Now

Here in Berlin. Just like the teargas will be tomorrow.

Demo

And if we’re really lucky, we’ll have a good old-fashioned senselessly violent “Antikapitalistischen Walpurgisnacht” (anti-capitalist Walpurgis Night) tonight, too!

So y’all have a wonderful German May Day celebration, ya-here (not established as a public holiday until 1933)?

In der Vergangenheit war es in Berlin in der Walpurgisnacht und am 1. Mai häufig zu gewalttätigen Ausschreitungen am Rand von Demonstrationen der linken Szene gekommen. In diesem Jahr wollen sowohl linke Gruppen als auch die NPD in Berlin demonstrieren.

The Richard Wagner Bicentennial Jubilee Fun Time Celebration Bash Is Well Underway

But the Partystimmung (party atmosphere) can be a little problematic at times.

Wagner

How do you celebrate the bicentenary of a great composer who also happened to be an anti-Semite, who posthumously inspired Hitler, and whose works featured prominently in the cultural life of the Third Reich?

That’s easy, really. You do what you’ve got to do with Wagner (if you’re a Wagner fan or a German unable to ignore him). As Friedrich Nietzsche said 125 years ago: “The Germans have cooked up a Wagner whom they can honor. And they are thankful for being able to misunderstand him.”

And as Woody Allen said quite some time later: “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“Die Deutschen haben sich einen Wagner zurechtgemacht, den sie verehren können: … sie sind damit dankbar, dass sie missverstehn.”

 

Germany Honestly Not Seeking Hegemony In Europe I Swear

German Chancellor Angela Merkel rejected again today claims that her country was seeking hegemony in the European Union.

Hegemony

“We already are the largest economy in Europe,” she might have said. “Like, by a long shot. So why on earth would we want to do that? All we want to do is just keep exercising our predominant influence over all those other namby-pamby nations around us and with time, through peaceful terms and non-aggression, achieve world, I mean, total European domination.”

“Germany has a sometimes complicated role,” she actually said. “Because we are the largest economy – we are not the richest, but we are the largest. Therefore Germany will only act together with the others – hegemony is totally foreign to me.”

Let There Be Light

Or at least a little more of it in the eastern half of town, I mean.

Berlin

“Berlin at night. Amazingly, I think the light bulbs still show the East/West division from orbit.”

PS: Speaking of interesting aerial shots of Berlin…

Hakenkreuz

OK, OK. This is in San Diego. But still.

There actually is one of these in Berlin, I’m told. I just couldn’t find it right now. Anybody know where?

Germans Tired Of Being Cast As The Euro Zone’s Scapegoats

But once they take a nap and rest a little bit, they won’t be so tired anymore.

Scapegoats

Sometimes Germany was too weak, sometimes too strong. Or, as Henry Kissinger, a former American secretary of state, put it, referring to Germany just after unification in 1871, it was “too big for Europe, but too small for the world”. Today, Mr Simms (Cambridge University) argues, “it sits uneasily at the heart of an EU that was conceived largely to constrain German power but which has served instead to increase it, and whose design flaws have unintentionally deprived many other Europeans of sovereignty.”

The question is whether Germany can use its power by unapologetically leading. Given Germany’s past, its political culture militates against even trying.

“It’s nice to go to a conference of ‘young leaders’, but you don’t want a conference of ‘junge Führer’.”

Hitler Diaries’ Reporter Wants Real Fakes Back Not Fake Fake Ones

They may be a crude forgery, Gerd Heidemann seems to be saying, but they’re my crude forgery (although the actual shabby work was done be a certain Konrad Kujau).

Schtonk!

It’s been ten years now and apparently they’re his property again, or so his interpretation of the original contract, and if he could get them back from the Stern’s publisher, Gruner & Jahr, Heidemann would “make them available to Germany’s national archive,” thus, well, gee, I dunno what the hell for, either.

“I’ve really got to have a serious talk with Eva. She thinks that a man who leads Germany can take as much time as he wants for private matters.”

Tanks For The Memories

Or if you combat ’em, join ’em?

Tanks

The U.S. Army’s 69-year history of basing main battle tanks on German soil quietly ended last month when 22 Abrams tanks, a main feature of armored combat units throughout the Cold War, embarked for the U.S.

“There is no [U.S.] tank on German soil.”